Long long time since last posting...

So I realized from visiting my blog that I haven't written since July! I should definitely get on... although I probably will not be telling you in this posting the last 7-8 months!

Highlights are that we now have some new staff with IRC who have joined us. Our logistics coordinator, finance controller, and field coordinator. It has been quite a nice change, since the rest of the team has been in Congo now for the past 2-3 years. We are getting old indeed, and new faces are always nice in bringing new idea and energy to work environment!

My boss and colleague were both on holidays and have now returned... thank god! I am always so unlucky b/c unexpected issues come up every time I am asked to be in charge. It was good though working under pressure and seeing how time flies by when you keep extremely busy. To turn in the required documents on time are soooo nice!

I made sushi last week, to distress after work. Funny enough, I didn't mess up on cooking the rice. I had way too much and invited some friends for sushi and miso. Who would have thought we'd have sushi in Bukavu?!

I spent last week with the Filipinos, and as I am now thinking of leaving DRC and IRC to return to school, I really feel nostalgic about leaving friends that have become like a second family. Everyone is so caring, and I definitely feel like the little sister. They've all been so great in welcoming me to their homes and making sure that I was always supported... I'm definitely gonna miss them.

I gave the kids a test last week and boy did they do badly. It was particularly difficult but I gave them a second chance and this time most of them did better. It's nice to see how quickly the kids learn here. I just hope that some will have the opportunity to go to school abroad where more opportunities will present themselves. As a muzungu teacher though, I don't want to give them too much hope that life will change for them, because, after all, they are the future of the DRC and the ones who will become the future leaders of this country. I just hope that my commitment to them will help them realize that they have a role to play...

I'm starting to hear back from graduate schools and so far so good. I would never have thought that applying to graduate school from the DR Congo would be so hard... hello, some schools just don't understand either that I can't get them a mail letter in the next 1-2 days... I guess they just don't realize that such accessibility is not available everywhere... but anyways, it's over now and we'll just wait and see the next few weeks.

I talked to my baby niece and nephew last week and I miss them soooo much. They are adorable on the phone and I love how Elika says my name. It really helps to go forward here, especially as I am so far away. But, I have to admit that life is going much quicker as I am now getting used to Bukavu and to the work load. I am so grateful for the opportunity of having worked with IRC and the many responsibilities that have helped me to grow both personnally and professionally.

We marched on Saturday for women's day, and it was sooo cool to see men being involved out of their own initiative. Last year, I helped to encourage it, but this year, I decided not to help out in the planning so that I could see how my coworkers could take their own initiatives and find sustainability in their own advocacy initiatives. It was quite as amazing to walk with over 50,000 women, and to see the energy that the women and men brought to this day. With lots of discussions and debates with coworkers and other bystanders on women's rights, I have hope that there will be change in this country... although I always ask them to reflect on their own situation and to ask themselves whether they are really standing by the values that they advocate... as we discussed, change starts at home...

Some pics from Kinshasa

Staying on for another year...

So I finally made the decision to stay on with IRC for at least until June. Thankfully, they've agreed to give me some time off (1 month!) and to pay for my airplane ticket ($3,000+ so far, crazy!). I can't believe I'll be going home in about 17 days... it's exciting, but there's so much to do!

So, what prompted me to make this decision, especially when I look back, the first 10 months were hard! Well, I have to agree that the work has not been the most fun, but I've gained so many skills in management, budget planning, program planning, evaluation and monitoring... it's really crazy! Also, been put on the spot so many times and attended meetings with head of organizations and the UN... it's a lot of progress. But really, what pushed me to make this final decision was my visit to Goma and DOCS HEAL. Just to see the counselors and the beneficiaries and to see the impact that IRC's capacity-building activities have had. Yeah, we talk a lot about partnership and reinforcing local organization's abilities to meet emerging needs, but I really saw it in my conversations. Some of the organization leaders couldn't even collect data, manage staff, and write reports and budgets. It's really great to see that, somehow, there'll be some sustainability. I used to be so critical of IRC's work and of course other NGOs, but I have to say that we are doing some positive work. The beneficiaries were so amazing, strong women, where I can't even imagine if I could ever be that strong. Bukavu has come to feel like a home, although being away from family has been the hardest. I've made a lot of great friends, especially some that I would probably have never associated with, but circumstances brought us all together.

I've moved to the smaller house now and it feels somewhat like a home, more private. I am starting to get a bit tired of all the complaining and how people tend to come to me with all the problems they have... i'm not Dr. Phil... and when I'm busy, it's really not fun having to sit there for 20 minutes listening to all the complaints.

But yes, there's so much work left to be done and especially improvement in our plannification and management mechanisms. I'm excited but for now, I need a break. I hope I can attend my friend's wedding in France, and Kim and Vanna might be there too. It'll be just the time off I need to recuperate and come back energized.

I shall post some pics...

Site visit to Goma

So it's been a while since my last writing in this journal. Since last month, I've been to Kinshasa, gone to Burundi for a weekend, welcomed a new intern, gone boating again on Lake Kivu, and I am now in Goma, North Kivu Province, DR Congo.

I arrived in Goma on Wednesday, during the 4th of July. Yep, I didn't really get to celebrate or anything, and weird as it is, it didn't really come up for a lot of us. I guess that's what happens when we're busy working! We had the board of director from NY coming to visit our health programs in South Kivu. It was nice to know they were coming, but I think it stressed out a lot of our staff. We already have so much to do, so to squeeze in an important site visit like that can be difficult! I also started moving out of the big house towards the smaller house... this way, I'll have more privacy and will have more time to myself, instead of always seeing new faces and fighting over the TV remote with visitors. Kidding, I don't really fight, I just go to my room...

So I went to Goma by boat. I felt bad for our driver b/c he was new and I was a bit mean to him. He stopped at the port, told me we were there, and expected me to just get off and go on my own. I was really not happy, since I didn't even know where to go within this big port, had no idea where to get the boat ticket, etc. But, he parked, I went on my own for a while, and things went smoothly. I saw this huge boat with people and was scared I was taking that, b/c it didn't seem safe and I knew I'd be hassled the whole way through. Thankfully, we took the small boat, and it was unexpectly nice! We had a tv and all... wow!

The trip to Goma gave me a beautiful view of the lake and the paysage. It was really beautiful, still can't believe how beautiful the eastern part of Congo is and how much it could develop in the future. I arrived and the first thing I noticed was how much it looked like Bukavu, except for the black ground caused from the lava from the volcano and the wooden bikes. People seem to speak a lot of swahili, and I got to practice it again... although they mumble a lot and have a different accent. We visited one of our partners and did a review of their projects in refering victims of rape. It was really interesting, but also difficult to see how disorganized some can be. It seems like they haven't even read their own project proposals. But oh well, at least they seemed to be committed. Some of the difficulties they pointed out was the inability to assess health centers for quality services when these health centers lack basic equipments, medications, etc.

Today, I went to do a site visit of a partner that works in the psychosocial and medical assistance of victims of rape. Most of the women I met had been raped by militaries. I didn't know how to feel. They all came in, so poor, yet so strong... and I couldn't help but feel both sorry, empowered, and guilty. These women were raped in unbelievable ways, many so innocent and it seems so "forgotten." They had one pair of clothes and the babies they carried were the results of the "act" that had happened to them. Some were kept with military men since they were 6 years old for 9 years... how awful and difficult to imagine. They spoke in Swahili, and I tried intensely to listen despite the speed with which they spoke. I looked into their eyes, and I saw power but also defeat. These women, although they were being assisted and kept saying how much our help is helping them, had nothing to really look forward to. One woman, who's recovered, told us she makes 0.75 cents day carrying loads of wood back and forth. She seemed content, but I couldn't believe she had been victimized and gone through so much. They prayed in front of us, and many cried. I wanted to cry, but I kept my face straight to not lose it in front of them. These women were so strong, and it makes me sick, once again, to see the effects of war and how it affects women and children. Congolese women though showed me again the power that they have in surviving. They passed on food to each other and made sure each one had enough to eat. I saw solidarity despite the shame that they all felt. I wanted to help, but I couldn't give money b/c of dependency. I settled with knowing that they appreciated the work we did and that they thought it was important. Maybe we can help eventually with financing microcredit activities. Some are so hurt and physically abused that they can't even walk properly. There was a house full of women who had fistula and couldn't get healed surgeries after surgeries. The smell, the sight made me all weird inside. I still see their eyes. How they smiled, how they touched my hand, how they wanted my phone number to marry me off to a friend of theirs.. haha. despite all the unhappiness, they can still smile. Amazing, the women of Congo.

I guess it'll take me time to reflect it other, to think again about Congo's needs and the importance of development and economic stability and security. Political rights are great, but when you see the destitution and the poverty, you can't help to think about how privileged we are. These women keep me going. I still don't know if I want to stay, but here's my privilege, I can decide to go or stay. I can decide to buy food when I want to or eat when I want to. It's guilt and acknowledgment and the understanding that we all have a responsibility. But responsibility happens with conditions, not just throwing money at all the poor people, because in the end, what's the result. Food for a day, dependency? While in goma, i've seen so many publicities about government and its accountability for development. It gave me hope. It showed me the possibilities for Congo. Maybe I'll stay, or I will watch from afar, with hope for this country despite the misery and horrors it's known.

Back in Kinshasa...

I've been in Kinshasa for almost a week now. It's been a great opportunity to take some time off from Bukavu, although I'm still busy working. I had not realized how big and developed Kinshasa was, especially in comparison to Bukavu. The roads, for the main part, are great; there are lots of shops and places to eat at; lots of things to do; pools... the package! Life in Kinshasa with IRC seems to be more "normal," with people leaving the office at a reasonable hour, cooking at the house, and chilling on weekends by the pool. It's very hot though, and the transportation can be such a frustration. Last night, we went salsa dancing at Standing Club, and I had to wait more than an hour for the driver to come pick me up... so frustrated, especially as they don't think about being accountable or the whole security situation either!

I've had cossa cossa twice now, and it's been GREAT. It's a nice change from Bukavu, where the food is the same when you're at home or go out... no complaints, the food at the house is great, but it's nice to have options. Service here still sucks, and they don't seem to have an understanding of what's important when servicing a client... like last night, they straightened the table cloth instead of bringing us the bread, after we asked them 3-4 times over the course of 10 minutes... oh well, cultural difference that must be accepted and just laughed over, rather than get frustrated and wasting one's energy.

I had a talk with Brian this week about the possibility of staying with IRC. There are so many conflicting factors over me staying or leaving... I just don't know. I wouldn't have imagined staying here for more than a year, especially when I had first arrived to DRC. Life in Bukavu is great, but being far away from family and lacking somewhat of a social life can be straining. Work was also very boring with all the monotonous reporting... but it's improving. I might even get the chance to do a partner's evaluation in Goma in a few weeks. Should be great to be in the field and leave the office a bit to get my hands "dirty." Daniel also left this week, which means that our team is now down to 3 people... and I'm hearing Natalie might be leaving as well... what the heck... this is going to be stressful, and I actually think we'll be spending even more time with reviewing/editing reports. If it continues like that until August, even after the changes we're supposed to implement, perhaps it's not worth it to stay.

The security situation in Bukavu seems to be chaotic... the archbishop came out and said that a war was imminent... the trends from the wars of 1998 and 2004 are repeating themselves, with foreign soldiers infiltrating the city, massacres taking place... ayayay... I hope things stay calm and that the government continues to create some stability and security for the people, as they've known so much horror that they probably won't be able to take another one.

I'll be leaving back for Bukavu this weekend, hopefully. I feel bad because I haven't taught now for two weeks, and although this little getaway was helpful and great, I miss Bukavu and my "normal" life there... it was great to see Georgia, and we all went out a bit.

Until next update.

Bukavu, so long since my last writing

So, it's been at least a month since I've written in my blog. So much for having kept up-to-date and writing every day. The weather in Bukavu is pretty chilly, and this week is quite sad since a few co-workers and friends are returning home, having reached the end of their mission or not being able to go on with work/security/family conditions. It' s crazy how quickly time has gone by now, and sad to know that I'm always counting the weeks and months until I'll be going back home. I miss my family so much, especially the babies. Vanna sent me a few videos on youtube which was really nice b/c I got to see how adorable Elika and Shou are. I'm so proud of Vanna, she got into Sciences Po this week. As the little older sister, I feel a bit jealous that I'm BEHIND now, but hey, at least she's settled for the next few years, making me feel a bit at ease and less stressed out for her.

On my end, I am continuing to apply for jobs and all. I heard from my fellowship career counselor that I should stay on with IRC if the job interests me. The pressure is quite overwhelming at times, where I see the disorder in the office with so many levels of management and people always moving around or leaving. It's a bit nuts, very stressed out yesterday, as I realized that the people in the field weren't 100% clear of the goals for the period... anyways, I got to speak a bit of my mind to the senior health coordinator, who probably didn't appreciate my inputs. Oh well, I see things aren't moving correctly, a little inputs can only help. I'll be speaking in the month or so with my advisor and the coordinator about whether I see a potential with IRC, especially when it comes to be in charge of program implementation.

Today, we learned that the military guys attacked civilians in their home and pillaged them, killing 3 in the process. It's crazy how the security situation is still not under control.. sad to see and to know, especially when I realize that I could get "out" at any time I things got out of control. Again, thinking about humanitarian work and its paradoxes, the difficulties inherent in this whole sector where you create an imbalance for the society in which you're intervening: riches from expats, the hope of another country/world, and the fact that you're there, out of good will, to help them but really it's also for your own personal/professional growth.

We couldnt' leave the office all day b/c it wasn't sure whether things would get out of control in the town. I couldn't even walk home to go get food! But we bought some bananas outside, so it was fine. The students were preparing a demonstration, b/c one of the persons killed was a fellow student. Police and all were there, but thankfully, it all took place peacefully.

today, I got another call from a creepy guy in the town who managed to get my number. He annoyed me, saying that I was close-minded and didn't want to meet him. I got pissed b/c it's not the first time it happened... and then he tells me not to be scared. Who says that? Anyways, put him in his place, and told him not to ask for my phone number as it's rude and out of place.

Ay! This weekend, we'll be going to Bujumbura, Burundi, for a little weekend outing. I'm exciting since we have Tuesday off and it'll give me a chance to decompress. With all those reports coming in and trying to restructure our little unit, I get headaches and frustrated.

That's all for now... gonna go home since it's getting late and I need to eat.

Busy busy week

So yes, getting super busy with reports and procedures and coordination! This happened the last time I went on vacation. I've been working about 70 hours a week, with a big headache when I get home.

I was writing my personal statement in my application to the Red Cross yesterday, and I couldn't help but reflect on my personal role here. It's a question that's ongoing and that I don't think will go away. I've felt empowered by my coworkers and the people around me, but also skeptic by the actions of other humanitarian actors and the Congolese themselves. I don't want to get too close to some people, as I know they'll try to ask me for money. I want to help them and become friends, but I don't know how that's possible. One of the guards was asking for books to read, and I lent him some.. the next day, he asked me for money.

Working abroad is full of contradictions and questioning about yourself, the history that's our legacy, and how you can make an impact all the while contextualizing yourself in the environment. I've found that this experience has taught me a lot about working in a humanitarian organization, working in a country with a history of corruption and horrow, and working with people whose status in life is very different from yours.

The work continues, but I feel involved as I'm participating in evaluation visits, hiring people, drawing contracts, and helping to support programs. It's great, but I wish I had more time to reflect while at work.

Well, until next time... just a few things I needed to get off my chest.

International Women's Day Preparation!

Wow... so who would have thought that organizing international women's day for an office of 130 people and for the whole city can be so tiresome! I was so excited about this project, especially b/c it gives me a chance to interact with the staff and to work on real activities! However, I have to say, dealing with the organization's procedures can be such a pain! It took us maybe 4 days to just get paper... the demand had to go through this department, and then that department, and then another department, and another final signature! And to get the money to buy the material, another set of interesting signatures! Goodness, it felt so frustrating, but again, maybe the lack of planning on the part of the organizers...

It's really great to see the women in the office getting excited about this upcoming date! I'm glad to see the men getting involved as well, but I got into some interesting discussions/arguments about women, men, and human rights. It's such a contradiction and it's a bit worrisome to see the men saying that women's day should be a day where men are celebrated by women! Oh my... I got into some heated arguments, and it was no joke that they really believed that. I think for the women here, it was another sign of the fight they have to fight. But how mad it makes me to see them so quiet, when they have so much to say! One woman in the office has such great insights into society, but yet she keeps quiet. We had a meeting when organizing the events, and as soon as the men got involved, the women kept quiet. I think I was a bit straightforward with the men, but I made sure that their role was as support and not as people to lead the whole process... it's not only disempowering to the women but also a renewal of their dominance. It must have been the first time they heard anyone say something like this, and especially a woman... but I'm glad that it was what was needed to get the women comfortable enough to speak up a bit.

Women's day is just a few days away, and although it won't be perfect, I am so glad for the partnership and effort that every women and men put into preparing for this event. The guys are getting excited to sing and to recognize women... I can't wait to see it, and I will be sure to take pictures.

An interesting thing I heard today was from the head of the gender-based violence program, telling me that in her experience, no matter how hard of a life women have had, they can still keep a smile. In Congo, women have been raped, abused, and objectified, both in the family and in society, yet, they keep a smile and go on. To me, this is what amazes me about this country and especially the women: their power, their will to live, and their hope. And it's not cheesy or a joke, but it's truly what many believe and hold on to. They get involved, they participate, they smile, and behind their smile, you can just imagine all the horrors they've lived through and experienced.

All these realizations are but an acknowledgment of our privilege and our luck in the world. I can be online at this moment reflecting on these experiences, but how lucky am I to be able to do this. The women and girls here often only have time to think about the next day and how they'll survive... and here I am at times mad at life, mad at the lack of time, mad at someone having been rude... yet there are so many more important things out there that my worries seem so miniscule and unimportant.

And on this upcoming day, I want to take the time to reflect on the status of women in society, our power, our solidarity, and the fact that together, we keep this world up, b/c men have a tendency to make it worst with their thirst of power.